


if i'm to die (a rainy sunday)

by souptime



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Soulmates, Suicide Attempt, because i emotionally harmed myself haha;;, im just gonna apologize in advance for any emotional harm, this is a filler fic and im sORRY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 16:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12369234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souptime/pseuds/souptime
Summary: if i'm to die before i reach you,please know i meant to love you.---------------------soulmate au where you and your soulmate can only communicate mentally on the weekday in which you met, at the same time you met, for 5 minutes.warnings: depictions of suicide attempts (in case that might make anyone upset)





	if i'm to die (a rainy sunday)

**Author's Note:**

> holy fuck let me apologize real quick
> 
> i know i said that im working on the meanie angst and my other ~secret project~, but i honestly can't focus at the moment and have the urge to write something small (i hate being sick haha,,,,). i know sickness really isn't a good excuse for my laziness and lack of motivation so im sorry and i will get you the first chapter of the angst soon!!
> 
> anyways, have this to fuel your hunger while i continue to work on everything else!

Seungcheol had always wondered why he found the rain to be so enchanting.

 

The way it clung to his window on a dreary Sunday evening mesmerized him in a way he couldn't quite place; whether it was the way the streetlights reflected off of the small droplets so perfectly, or how he could imagine the way it would feel on his skin (cold, for sure), he found the rain drops to be endearing. He reclined back in his armchair and watched as the ivory moon, which was still continuing to rise in the sky, was soon obscured by haunting gray clouds. Sighing, the man got comfortable and closed his eyes, deciding it was about the right time to reach out to his beloved.

 

_I've missed you,_ he called, not expecting to receive an answer as quick as he got one.

 

_Me too,_ the soft voice called. _I thought you had forgotten._

 

Seungcheol couldn't help but smile as he responded.

 

_How could I ever forget about you? You're the highlight of my Sundays, love._

 

The other man sighed and Seungcheol could imagine his crestfallen face, despite not remembering exactly what he looked like.

 

_I wish I could tell you my name. I want you to call out to me, and not just by saying things like "love" or "sunshine." Granted, hearing you address me like that gives me butterflies, but hearing you say **my** name, knowing that you know for sure who I am and that you love me... It would make me so incredibly happy._

 

Seungcheol felt his heart drop, and with a gentle voice, he said, _I know, baby, I want that too, but we can't say tell each other our names until we meet again, and we both know that we can't meet yet. You need to finish school before we can do anything, okay? I'm sorry, sweetheart, but it's for your own good._

 

The response he got was quiet and uncertain. It made him uneasy and anxious, though he couldn't place why.

 

_Will I even be around when that happens?_

 

_What...?_

 

The younger of the two cleared his throat.

 

_It's nothing. We're running out of time, anyways. Goodnight._

 

Still confused, Seungcheol replied.

 

_Goodnight. I love you._

 

He never got an "I love you" back.

 

\--------------------

 

The week flew by quickly, and before he knew it, Seungcheol was seated back in his armchair, eager to engage in more conversations with his soulmate. It happened to be raining again, and while he was distracted by the glimmer of the raindrops, a small voice snapped him back to reality.

 

_Good evening. I missed you again this week._

 

Seungcheol smiled, but managed to pick up on the tired slur of his beloved's words.

 

_I missed you too. Are you okay? You sound exhausted._

 

_I'm fine,_ he bit back, his words containing an unusual amount of hostility. This, of course, only worried Seungcheol more, but he didn't press on further in fear of upsetting the other.

 

_Okay, just making sure. How's school, is everything going good?_

 

All he got was a hum in reply, and he figured the boy must be busy (he couldn't help but wonder what had the boy's attention more than himself, but he decided to leave it alone for the time being; he had already upset his lover enough). They spent a minute or so discussing what they had done this week, which wasn't much, seeing as it fit into a timeframe of 75 seconds or so. After a moment of comfortable silence, a voice laced with an emotion Seungcheol couldn't quite place spoke up.

 

_If... If I die before I meet you, please know that it wasn't your fault. I love you so much, and we haven't even properly met yet. So, please, don't blame yourself for anything that happens to me. Okay?_

 

Seungcheol could hear the soft voice of his soulmate fading out as he finished his sentence, and as he pondered the meaning of what was said, he realized what was being implied.

 

He suddenly felt weak. Weaker than he had ever felt before in his life. He tried to stand, but his knees buckled beneath him. In a daze, he tried reaching out to his love again, hoping that, even though it was impossible, he could tell him that he loved him, too.

 

It didn't work, leaving him a sobbing mess on the floor.

 

\--------------------

 

Tuesday evening, Seungcheol turned on the news in an attempt to distract himself from his inevitable spiral into depression. Multiple political cases were brought up, but nothing seemed to interest the man after what had happened on Sunday. He began to think of rain as dark and somber instead of the beautiful thing he thought it once was, associating the bleak weather with his soulmate, whether he wanted to or not. He was about to shut of the television when a headline caught his attention.

 

_"UNIVERSITY STUDENT LEE JIHOON ATTEMPTED SUICIDE LAST SUNDAY"_

 

Seungcheol stumbled off of his armchair and crawled closer to the screen of his TV, inspecting the photo of the boy urgently. He had a small, handsome face and fluffy hair that brought tears to Seungcheol's eyes. He listened intently to the news reporter, not caring about anything but the words falling out of her mouth.

 

_"20 year old Lee Jihoon was found injured in his apartment at 8:49 last Sunday with a deep wound going across his upper abdomen. A suicide note was found in his pocket, confirming that he did intend to end his life by slashing his own stomach and that he wanted to wish his soulmate the best. He is currently in the hospital and is in stable condition."_

 

He didn't listen for anymore information.

 

Scrambling to his feet, he grabbed his car keys and winter jacket, taking note of the picture of the hospital displayed on the screen. Without looking back, Seungcheol bolted out of his apartment and jumped in his car, starting it up immediately.

 

Starting the trek of 54 miles, Seungcheol thought absently to himself.

 

_Busan, huh._

 

_\--------------------_

 

After about an hour of driving (which seemed like 3 days to Seungcheol), he arrived at a local hospital that resembled the one he saw on the news. With trembling hands, he exited the car and noticed that the indigo sky of the evening was becoming shrouded with dark clouds, and he felt a small raindrop fall onto his nose. He could only go forwards from here and hope what his heart was telling him was right: he had found his soulmate in the most melancholy way.

 

With feeble legs, Seungcheol entered the hospital and approached the front desk nervously. The receptionist greeted him warmly, and though he tried to return her sweet smile, he could barely manage a glimpse of a smile before he spoke.

 

"Where can I see Lee Jihoon?" His tone was urgent, and the woman must have sensed that, because she very hastily pulled up his room number and gave easy-to-follow directions before waving Seungcheol off. He smiled earnestly this time before sprinting down every hallway he had to go through to reach the right room. Once he finally found it, he stood outside anxiously, wondering if meeting his soulmate like this was a good idea. Before he could doubt his decisions any further, he pushed the door open slowly to reveal a small figure laying in a hospital bed. Seungcheol could feel himself tearing up, but decided to hold back his tears until he introduced himself.

 

The small boy furrowed his eyebrows at his unexpected visitor, and although he could've sworn he didn't know the man who had walked into his room, his face looked vaguely familiar and Jihoon could feel his heart skip a beat. _How unusual,_ he thought, before speaking up in a weak voice.

 

"Who're you?"

 

And with two words, Seungcheol confirmed that Lee Jihoon was indeed his soulmate; he could never mistake the soft and gentle voice of his beloved.

 

"I'm so glad you're okay, sunshine," he uttered, trying to hold back his tears. Something clicked in Jihoon's brain, because he covered his mouth with his hands and gazed at Seungcheol with watery eyes. The man walked towards the hospital bed and smiled before extending his hand out to the younger.

 

"My name is Choi Seungcheol. Nice to finally meet you."

 

And as Jihoon took the hand in front of him with his own smaller hand, he began to cry for the first time in 2 years. The two cried together, holding onto each other like they could be torn apart at any time. It was peaceful, and they ended up holding each other for hours.

 

"Jihoon," Seungcheol mumured., burying his nose into his soulmate's neck. "Jihoon."

 

This only caused the boy to sob louder, holding onto the older's shirt like it was his only way to keep from sinking to the ground. Seungcheol held him gratefully, supporting his weight with his own. He was ready to finally call Jihoon his. He was ready to protect the smaller boy at all costs.

 

"I love you," said boy sobbed, before reducing his crying into quiet sniffles. Seungcheol gently rocked him in his arms, wiping away his tears with his thumb.

 

"I love you too, Jihoonie."

The rain outside suddenly seemed a lot more beautiful than it did before.

 

**Author's Note:**

> bother me on tumblr @theogjimbles
> 
> (also thanks for the kudos on my first ever fanfic on ao3 [the vminkook one that i despise to this day]. i really appreciate them all and they give me motivation to keep writing! love yall <3 )


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